Growing up, I never once thought I was gay. It was always frustrating when people told me I was gay. I never understood what characteristic of my actions made them think I was gay. Gay was not a reality in my little sheltered world. My household was divided on the gay topic. My mother did not have any issues with being gay. My stepdad on the other hand, at the time, did not agree with it. So, since it was that way, I think it encouraged my mom to be closed minded about it. These circumstances made being gay a nonoption for me. I moved on. It’s the summer before high school and I’m sitting with my three best friends at Teachout while the hot July summer sun beats down us. Three tall, toned, beautiful, brown, hair guys walk by while all my girlfriends stared. Of course, I sit there and wait patiently feeling frustrated until they move on. As we get into the water, I sit and wonder why I felt upset. The entire time we were swimming, I was very quiet and reserved but on the inside I was going crazy. I didn’t know why I felt so mad. That is when I realized I was different. That is when I realized I am not a regular teenaged boy. After a couple of weeks of trying to wrap my head around the pool situation, I texted my four best friends at the time in a group chat, discussing regular fourteen-year-old drama, when I asked them what their thoughts were about the gay community. I was sheltered about the gay community, but not intentionally. Two of my friends had no experience with the LGBTQ community, but the other two did not have any issues with it. This helped me realize if there is something different about me, I would be able to get through it. My freshman and sophomore years of high school, it bothered me that I didn’t understand the feeling I was having for boys, but the feeling for girls was different. With boys, I felt uncomfortable, insecure, different, ashamed. But when I was around girls, I felt happy, safe, secure, loved, respected… myself. These two years were difficult for sure. I talked to boys and girls, trying to figure out if I liked both, one, or the other. All the boys I was interested were gay. All the girls I was interested in weren’t the kind of girls I was friends with and weren’t exactly good influences. During my junior year of high school, I started admitting to my closest friends and younger family that I was gay, but I also included I was still confused, I may have still liked girls. It felt good to get it out but I still felt I had to watch who I included into my other life. May 26, 2016 was the day I officially came to terms with my sexuality. I was walking to my car after having a long day at school, when my phone went off as it was my stepmom texting me. She asked me who was the kid who commented on my photo on Facebook after updating my profile picture. I told her it was just a friend of a friend, and she told me I was lying. I told her that I was serious, but she preceded to tell me that I can come out when I am ready. In that moment, I was terrified, and irritated that she was trying to force me to come out. I was thinking, I might as well tell her, but I haven’t even told my own mother yet, and I don’t want to break her heart. So, I knew I couldn’t get out of this one, so I told her I was gay, but I didn’t like labels. At that moment, I admitted that I officially liked boys, to an adult. I told her I talked to other guys before, but I never knew how I felt so the relationship never grew. I asked her to keep this information to herself, as it wasn’t officially out and opened to everyone else. It felt good to admit it to her that I was gay, but for some reason, letting go of the fact that I liked girls was still bothering me. Late in June of 2016 my stepmom told my mom I was gay, without my approval. My mom never confronted me about it because she did not want to hurt my feelings. Things changed when she texted me on July 1, 2016 and asked me why I didn’t come out to her, but I came out to my stepmom? I ignored her because I didn’t know what to say. I felt betrayed by telling her to my deepest ‘secret’ and was angry because I wanted to tell my mom, but I didn’t want to have the feeling of disappointment. After two days of avoiding my mom, I finally told her I was coming over to talk to her about something. You know that feeling you had when you were a kid and you did something super bad, and you must face your consequences? That was the feeling I had when I walked through my mom’s front door. We chatted for a while about different topics before I had to break the ice. I said I needed to tell her something. I sat there and stared at her for a few minutes. Then the feeling of pressure throughout my whole body started to take hostage of me and I blurted out “I’m gay! And I’ve known for a while!” She looked at me like I complimented her. My own mother sat across from me at the old wooden table in the middle of her dining room smiling, gave me hug and said she already knew, and she accepted it a long time ago. She told me she will love me no matter what my sexual preference is. It made me feel so happy, and relieved. Now that I know my own mother accepted me, I could tell the world, and that’s what I did. I drove to my cousin’s house with excitement, ready to tell them, for the first time. I walked into the door, sat at the dining room table with my three cousins ready to play Cards Against Humanity when I told them I need to tell them something. All three of them sat there, worried as if I was going to tell them the world is ending. I said “I don’t know if guys knew or not, it may be a shocker, but I am gay.” They all sat there with their mouths dropped. One of them blurted out, “That’s it?” the other one shouted, “Mason, we knew!” It felt amazing knowing they loved me for me, and they were so accepting! Eventually, I hope the world will be 100 percent accepting of the LGBTQ community. When my children’s children have children, being gay won’t even be a big deal. Coming out to my friends and family, was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I do not know what I would have done if I did not have someone to confide to. I know it may seem scary, but accepting who I was allowed me to be who I want to be and be confident about it. Coming out I can do my eyebrows; I can wear scarves or shawls and no one questions me, because I am confident. This journey is worth it.