Granny always told me… you can’t have a drink until you finish your food.// 

Somehow I could never finish my food// 

Never choke down the taste of regret// 

Family cookouts and birthday parties bring sorrow// 

I was always a picky eater// 

Beans and Mac and cheese were my go to// 

Grandma’s house was never my safe haven// 

Hoping my mom would pick me up before dinner time// 

Food chewed and spit into napkin.// 

Plate upside down in the trash can// 

Oh what would I do for that food now// 

Summer barbecue and birthday bash// 

Prayer circle to bless this food// 

Always ended in let’s eat// 

If you asked me what black joy was… I would tell you// 

Black joy be backyard barbecue// 

Be family reunion// 

Black joy be good potato salad//  

Grandma’s Mac and cheese// 

Black joy be gospel on a Sunday morning// 

Be blaring music while cleaning// 

Granny always told me… you can’t have a drink until you finish your food// 

Somehow I could never finish my food// 

Never choke down the taste of regret// 

I regret not visiting more// 

You have lived in the same house my entire life// 

But somehow I could never bring myself to visit// 

To face my childhood// 

If you asked 5 year old me what black joy was…// 

I would have told you that I didn’t know// 

I didn’t know that Black joy be sleepovers at granny’s house with cousins// 

Be the room in granny’s house that no one goes in// 

Black joy be candy during a Sunday service// 

Be talking to family members for hours after that service// 

Black joy be beautiful// 

Be unbothered// 

Black joy be bold 

Be bright// 

Be sun kissed melanin// 

Black joy is making it home before streetlights// 

Is drinking water out of hose in the summertime// 

Black joy be curls// 

Be a crown of kinky coils covered in coconut oil// 

Black joy is wearing your blackness with pride// 

Because black joy knows no color// 

I used to believe that I would never know what black joy was// 

that I wasn’t black enough for the experience// 

I was always envious of those who were blacker than me// 

I thought joy liked them better// 

I never knew that black joy was right in front of me// 

I am 17 and I’m just learning that black joy has been a part of me since childhood.// 

That black joy was present at every family reunion// 

That Black joy was the thing that made our hips move to soulful music// 

I’m learning that black joy can be found in the simplest things// 

I now know that black joy can be found in me//