It’s your first birthday. You see smiling faces and cooing voices as you’re being picked up. You’re not quite sure about the relationship you have with most of these people because you aren’t quite that advanced yet to understand the difference. But you know your mom. Her bright smile as she covers you in kisses, her love for you radiating off her warm body while she holds you close to her hip. This is all you know. Is everyone’s life like this? Is it always just…mom?
Sept. 17, 2001. My born day, as I call it. The day my mom brought me into this world. The day my dad didn’t even attend. To this day, I sit on my bedroom floor and flip through my baby book, wondering why I don’t have a single photo of my father. I know and understand now today at 18 years old, but at nine I couldn’t quite grip it. Even at fifteen, I refused to understand and come to terms with it.
Students at East were surveyed and it turns out, they can relate. A lot of kids surprisingly are going through the same exact thing, they just don’t talk about it or have the opportunity to talk about it.
“My dad was out of my life for about eight years. I just feel empty. He used to always be by my side,” freshman Nallely Chavez said.
Her father was absent from her life for about eight years, this can vary from person to person. My whole life has been an absolute roller coaster regarding my father. As young females and males, it’s important to have a good male figure in your life. Young males don’t have an example of how to be a man and females don’t have an example of how they should be treated as women. I found that not having my dad in my life, I try to seek validation in other men. As personal as that is and as horrible as it sounds, it’s reality.
My dad was in and out of my life and it mentally messed with me. It took a toll on me. I remember crying for hours, I remember feeling lost and empty too. It took me years to dry my pillowcase.
I remember the daddy daughter dance that I missed because dad was on the streets. I remember listening to kids brag about how amazing their dad was. I couldn’t relate to anything.
“I felt different when he left. My emotions changed and I felt alone,” Chavez said. It is common for anyone to feel lost whenever someone important in their life vanishes with no explanation. When the feeling is fresh, it’s hard to cope with the emotions that you begin to feel. I remember feeling as if it was my fault, that it was something I did. I think about all the times I cried to my mom about the situation, blowing up his phone hoping for a response. I just wanted love from my dad and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t receiving it. He lied a lot, tried to make himself look like a perfect person. He dragged me into a lot of the drama he had with my mom. Not to be completely negative, he has done quite a few things for me in my life. Out of love? No, but because he was forced to by my mom a lot. Beginning of summer he took me to a zoo to bond with me but after that he just stopped trying. At the same time, it was sort of like a toxic relationship.
That’s how I see it. I used to cry every night for years until I realized that he brought nothing but toxicity into my life. Think about it, if someone doesn’t want to be in your life, the only thing you can do is let it be. You can’t force anyone to stay in your life because at that point, the ‘love’ they are showing is not genuine.
“You can still accomplish things without your dad,” Chavez said.
To the ones going through the same situation, there’s so much more to life than your dad who doesn’t want to be a dad. There’s so much more to you and what you can do. Look at who you do have in your life that’s supporting you. Stay in your books, stay in your bag and focus on what you are currently blessed with and what you are about to be blessed with. Don’t tear yourself apart for something he chose to do. He’s the father, not you. He should be the one putting in the effort. Not you.
“Any fool can have a child. That doesn’t make you a father. It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father,” -President Barack Obama.