‘You can’t tell your mom.’ ‘I can’t stand him.’ ‘Make sure you tell your mom…’ ‘What did your dad say?’ ‘If your mom wouldn’t…’ ‘Growing up with divorced parents who have a toxic relationship, you hear stuff like that all the time. During your young adult years, situations like this cause you to develop severe anxiety. There is a constant feeling of being stuck in the middle, an uncertain feeling of what to say in front of who. Growing up in an environment like this, I can say I feel any and everyone’s pain who has or who is going through it as well.  

Being a product of this environment, I can safely say that having divorced parents makes you mature at a much younger age. Often parents fight over who is going to pay for what. For example, school supplies or fees, new clothes to fit a growing body, a coat and gloves to keep warm in the winter, and sometimes something as small as a skateboard or new roller blades to satisfy the needs of a kid, who wants to just simply be a kid. ‘But, if dad says no and I ask mom, will she yell at him?’ ‘If mom yells at dad, will he call and ask me what I told her to make her so angry?’ When all you did was simply convey the message exactly how they said it? Or maybe even nicer to try to get them to get along?  

Having divorced parents forced me to become mentally mature at a young age.  I’ve had a job since I was 14 to make sure I have the money for anything I want. That way, my mom and dad don’t argue over who must pay for what. Another big thing I had to learn about at a young age is child support and the strain that It placed on my parents’ relationship. Child support is tricky, if it’s not paid, the parent who didn’t pay it would get in trouble and possibly even thrown in jail or get their driver’s license pulled. This situation can even end up in court. 

 Child support issues, much like other divorce issues are not your fault. So being young, you must develop the mindset that you can’t control it or do anything to fix it. It’s not your issue it’s theirs. One thing I am very fortunate of is that my parents divorced when I was too young to understand so I never had to wonder where mom or dad was. Although I wasn’t old enough to know what was going on, I’ve just known my parents to hate each other my whole life. When I say hate I mean hate. My dad didn’t come to my brother’s graduation party because my mom hosted it. That’s an awful thing to experience as a kid. 

Another hard thing to go through is switching back and forth for the holidays. You must understand that you cannot celebrate as a family. So often, I couldn’t see one parent on Christmas Eve. On others, I wouldn’t see one parent at all because they would be angry at their kids for not ‘picking’ them for the holidays. When that was not the case at all, we were with whoever the court order said we had to be with that year.  

Sometimes, the holidays would just be a big mess. Which made Christmas and Thanksgiving not about the normal holiday stuff. It ruined the holdidays as a kid. But having that be a reoccurring thing, you just get used to it. That would make the exciting childhood feeling of holiday break not be as exciting as it is for your friends who don’t have divorced parents. It forces you to understand that it just won’t ever be the way you want it to. Which makes you settle and be humble about the fact that you won’t have a childhood Christmas like your friends at school or other kids you know. 

A lot of students going to East deal with the same issues. Senior Casey Jones, someone I’ve known for as long as I could remember was willing to speak on her situation in order to bring awareness to it as well. Jones’ parents divorced when she was eight years old, so she has grown up knowing them to not be together, but she was old enough to understand what was going on when they did separate. “Family dinners, vacations, and peace was gone. Growing up in two different homes was hard,” Jones said. A big difference between Jones’ situation and mine was that she was at her mom’s one week, then her dads the next. So, she had to flip flop back and forth more than I ever had to. Therefore, she had/must spend an equal amount of time with each parent making it feel more like a game of tug-a-war. “The worst part is trying to respect each parent’s wishes and learn to live in two different lifestyles as well as my own,” Jones said.  

 Jones and I are not the only children who have gone through this. It’s a worldwide issue. Growing up having parents with a toxic relationship, or even just separated parents, forces you to mature at a younger age. So, as we grow into being the generation to have children, kids like us can just ask that you please do what you can to have a healthy relationship with the other parent of your child. Or even if you can’t, just don’t involve your kid because it is not their fault.